CH. 3 “HEARTBREAK”
noun: heartbreak; plural noun: heartbreaks
1. overwhelming distress."an unforgettable tale of joy and heartbreak"
I recommend each and every one of you experience heartbreak at some point in your life. Sounds pretty morbid right? But there’s a much greater lesson once the dust settles. This picture of Kim K. below is exactly what I looked like.
I am extremely grateful for getting my heart broken, not once but twice. The type of gut-wrenching heartbreak that leaves you completely depleted. You lose interest in the simplest things that made you happy before. Everything seems to remind you of them; places, people, scents, and even food (LOL). Everything and anything seems to emphasize your grief. Moving on and accepting what didn't go your way seems impossible to do. It was my ultimate self-realization phase. I was able to show myself that I was capable of loving others without reciprocation on their end. Heartbreak gave me the ability to help OTHERS today and led me to find myself.
After the intense emotions slowly fade away, you suddenly become wiser. As corny as this sounds, you really end up with no tears left to roll down your cheeks. You come out stronger and suddenly when you see your loved ones or even strangers feeling heartbroken - you just want to make the pain go away. Although temporarily the world seems to be falling apart, it gets better. Eventually you do heal and you begin to fall in love with the person who is always there for you; YOU. Behind almost every heartbreak is the underlying issue: lack of SELF-LOVE. I can attest to that. I had no love for myself in my last 2 relationships. If I did, I probably could have avoided the heart wrenching ache I dealt with. I loved others more than I loved myself. I wouldn’t say it’s a bad thing to have a big heart, it’s a blessing actually. You have to love yourself more than anyone else. No, it is not SELFISH. It’s called having boundaries. The minute you allow someone to cross your boundaries you have set sail to the “Self-Destruction” sail boat.
Loving yourself begins with putting yourself and your emotions in front of what is not good for you. Loving yourself to where you don’t accept behavior that is contradicting respect towards you. As you are healing, enjoy getting to know yourself. What makes YOU happy? I spent months focusing on what I enjoyed doing, for once.
I have a sense of urgency when it comes to helping others realize their worth if they are in a toxic relationship or right after a break-up. I try to be the person I WISH I had around me when I was in their shoes. I wore heartbreak like a champ. No one knew the pain I was feeling every day. I tried my best to wear a smile and portray a happy-go-lucky girl. But as soon as I would get home, the mask was taken off and I would cry myself to sleep. But just like many emotions, pain is temporary.
Heartbreak doesn’t go away one day to the next. It takes YOU to choose to be happy and continue to push forward with what ever goals you have. You have to wake up and give your self pep talks if need be. Every day while getting ready for the day, I would give myself pep talks. I would “hype” myself up. Those who do LOVE and care for you. One of the biggest eye openers for me was realizing no matter WHO you are, WHAT you do, you can’t make ANYONE happy. If someone lacks self-love, you can bring joy and love to them but you can’t MAKe them happy. It ain’t happenin if they aren’t truly happy with themselves and fulfilled.
Yes, heartbreak sucks, momentarily though. Be grateful that you are still alive and breathing. Be grateful that you didn’t end up with the person that wasn’t for you. Be grateful you gave your 100% and realized you are capable of loving to the moon and back.
Become comfortable with being uncomfortable and use your pain as your power. Convert your sadness to happiness. Make better decisions in the future but continue to be the loving person you are. You can "Fake it Till You Make It" or "Face it Till You Make It". Embrace the pain and use it to help you become the badass you are destined to be. The key is to learn from your mistakes and not let heartbreak leave a sour taste in your mouth. Rinse it out and repeat. Keep on moving forward. I've never been in a tunnel before, but I heard there is usually a light at the end of it.
"Those who don't know how to weep with their whole heart, don't know how to laugh either"
- Golda Meir