Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me
OVERSHARING = Your Own Demise
I have had to learn the "hard" way or the lesson that God taught me on how to stop oversharing my life, my personal relationships, and what my next move is. I don't see this is a fail, as I live by Ray Dalio's Principles.
Fail Fast, Learn Faster
OVERSHARING IS THE ENEMY, HERE IS WHY
The undeniable truth for most in this day and age is everyone feels they need to share every single thing about themselves on the internet with everyone.
A majority of the social media oversharing population also fall under the pressure of portraying perfectionism.
The 21st century is the age of oversharing. And it seems that the direction we're heading is right down a toxic rabbit hole where everyone feels that we need to know everything about everyone.
Most people are pressured to present this perfect false identity they hide behind a screen from. It has now become an unannounced protocol to take a photo of our food before we eat it and create boomerang videos cheers-ing with friends. It is almost pathetic to see I used to engage in those acts years ago and I became turned off to it.
Don't get me wrong, I LOVE a good instagram filter, but if you are tweaking your photos to where you look like another human.....that is just a little far. And you might need some inner-healing to do. I say this from experience and having done the healing myself.
I find myself pondering on the thought of how society is operating in the day-to-day. If it is normal to be portraying a lifestyle vs. actually living a life. If you are not operating this way, you are immediately ostracized.
MAKE IT MAKE SENSE?! sharing becomes oversharing when:
Oversharing comes from un-healed trauma and the need for external validation from all types of sources but mostly: validation from humans.
However, before I explain further I want to first define the the differences between vulnerability and oversharing. Because vulnerability is an amazing thing we should be doing in the right manner in the right medium channel to help others from our social platforms.
Vulnerability is defined as the willingness to show emotion or to allow one’s weakness to be seen or known; willingness to risk being hurt or attacked.
(reworded; original source: Oxford Dictionary).
Oversharing is defined as the disclosure of an inappropriate amount of detail about one’s personal life.
(reworded; original source: Oxford Dictionary).
The connection between being vulnerable and oversharing is willingness to.
Willingness in the name of vulnerability is not attached to self-serving behavior, and it is not meant to initiate action or manipulation for personal gain.
Vulnerability requires a level of humility. This is a willingness that is akin to bravery, it’s showing our authentic self with the possibility of misunderstanding and judgment, but not abandoning the version of ourselves that we have revealed.
The willingness tied to vulnerability is in the context of a situation or relationship where personal information has been shared safely – to help understand a person’s struggle and help others feel less alone.
The willingness that comes from oversharing is rooted in attention-seeking behavior. This willingness can be disguised as bravery, but it has different roots. From personal experience, when I overshared it came from "LOOK AT ME EVERYONE" AKA My coined phrase: L.A.M.E. LIVING
OVERSHARING COMES FROM THE NEED. I GET IT.
We want to be cared for.
We want to know that we matter.
We all want to be seen, heard, cared for.
These are feelings that are inherent to the human experience, they’re natural. However, when we overshare, we set ourselves up for fake sincerity and connection.
Not to mention, oversharing breeds forced and often, unfair expectations.
Why Do humans Overshare?
1. We overshare when a part of our lives/ourselves has been silenced.
2. We overshare to feel relevant in this world.
3. We overshare because we long for connection.
4. We overshare because a part of us doesn’t feel safe and this is how we “ask” for help.
5. We overshare when we don’t how to attain validation from within. So, we seek it externally.
I’m a firm believer in inner child work. The coping mechanisms we learn in our formative years cross over to how we handle life as adults. Oversharing can be your inner child calling for help. I know as a child I racked up a lot of trauma.
I overshared as an adult now because as a little girl I was told not to tell anyone about my problems. Even in my relationships from 15-21 I was dating narcissistic men who would tell me I was "too emotional" for calling them out on their lower vibrational actions and lack of morals. I decided to become a children's author because of my younger self who I chose to make proud as I have grown into the woman I am today. My life purpose became to protect her.
Oversharing isn’t always tied to our past. It’s amazing that as adults we can feel silenced and powerless, though we are regarded as being fully formed and responsible in our emotional regulation.
Whether it’s in your romantic life, professional life, or friendships....these problems happen each and every day. It’s possible that in these relationships, fair communication and empathy aren’t reciprocated.
Whatever your explanation for oversharing is, it’s most likely because you have a need or desire that isn’t being heard or met.
Fact: It’s easier to garner sympathy and understanding from a complete stranger on the street because they don’t see how you behave in your day to day. Ever notice those nice encounters with strangers?
Once you receive encouragement from said stranger, you are relieved but also, mortified that you spilled your life on this unassuming person. A person, who, like you, has their own problems, fears, and insecurities.
I’m not stating that you shouldn’t share your struggle with others, but share with those you can actually trust. Venting is critical to the healing process from weakness in oversharing to strength in vulnerability.
In order to vent in a healthy way, ask permission to share your experience and listen to your instinct as far as the other person’s ability to mentally handle what you’d like to share.
Two people that are deeply wounded do not always have the emotional capacity to be there for others. Thus, do not put the expectation of another person’s validation of your existence, to heal your pain. This also can form a trauma bond.
Truly I tell you, oversharing is a drain for everyone involved. On the bright side, oversharing isn’t always a negative thing. It can be an outlet for heightened awareness, self-reflection, and everlasting change.
MINDFULLY be aware of who you are sharing yourself with. Remember: you are not for everyone and everyone is not for you.
To Be in the World but Not of the World
John 17:11: “I have given them thy word; and the world hath hated them, because they are not of the world, even as I am not of the world. “I pray not that thou shouldest take them out of the world, but that thou shouldest keep them from the evil.”
BELOW ARE TIPS TO HELP YOU STAY IN YOUR POWER & NOT OVERSHARE:
Acknowledge to YOURSELF that you feel unheard.
Write it down. Write down all of your anger, hurt, insecurities, and pain. Writing your feelings down provides tangibility, it gives a physical and malleable presence to emotions.
Ask yourself this question: “Does Royalty talk to paparazzi?”
Royal Families do not divulge their personal affairs and private life. They handle issues with non-reactivity. See yourself as royalty and start treating yourself as such. Don’t be arrogant, but understand and believe it should be a privilege to let others in on your personal life.
Choose a TRUSTED FRIEND to vent your story to.
When we choose someone that we have MUTUAL trust to speak our feelings to, the response will be more genuine because of a foundation that has already been established. Always be considerate of the place that the other person may be in. It can be extremely helpful to ask if they’re in a mental place to listen to you. They may be going through their own struggles that you know nothing about.
Seek a therapist or a life coach.
I understand sometimes the financial situation doesn't allow for seeking professional help and that is another reason I will continue to post on my platforms free advice and guidance. However if you are able to, speaking to a certified professional puts you in the perfect lane to overshare in a safe, healthy, and productive environment.
Before opening your mouth, think: “What do I gain from telling this person this? Have they earned the right to know me in such a way?”
Your time and life experiences are precious.
Protect Ya Neck and keep private.
Personally what also works for me as of the last 2 months:
I refuse to post any stories on Instagram, Shorts on YouTube of my current location
I post after I come back or days after leaving a location
Less is more
Yes or No answers = save ya life
I send you love and healing if you are in need of it. I get it, trust me. I have overcome some of the most inhumane attacks of: stalking, identity theft, slander, theft from friends and family, people I let inside my personal life and home. I have become extremely guarded and private even when it comes to a close circle. Not for lack of trusting my true friends and lovely family; but more so because I cannot risk my well-being again.